Sex (or any sexual activity) is always sexiest when everyone involved wants it – without feeling pressured, forced, scared or intimidated.
The ethics (being a good and decent human being) of consent differ a little bit to the laws of consent but we think they are the most important part.
Consent is something that is part of a respectful relationship. It can never be taken for granted, forced or ignored. Sexual consent is being able to freely and willingly say yes or no to any form of sexual activity. It is essential to ask first and respect the answer you are given every time. Remember: Only YES! means yes.
Some people say that asking for or talking about consent is awkward and nerve wracking (and yeah, it might make you feel at little uncomfortable at first) BUT the consequences of not asking and not checking in are much, much worse. After asking for consent (and respecting the answer of course) both people will feel more relaxed, comfortable and confident in the relationship – whatever form the relationship takes.
Consent is not just for sex either. You need consent for kissing, touching…. for EVERY sexual activity. You also need to check in every now and then to make sure the other person is still comfortable with what’s happening (this communication also helps to make the sexual activity more enjoyable and fun for everyone involved).
STILL NERVOUS ABOUT IT ALL? That’s ok. We’re here to help!
Here are some ways you can ask (or check in) for consent.
- Hey, do you wanna try (sexy thing)?
- Do you want to keep going?
- I really want to (sexy thing). Do you want to?
- Are you ok?
- Would you like me to stop or do something different?
Affirmative and Enthusiastic consent might sound like…
- Yes, Yes Oh God YES!
- Of Course.
Non-Consent might sound or look like:
- Nah, not now.
- Pushing you away
- Just laying there
- Doing/saying nothing
And the golden rule… If you are unsure, just ASK and respect the answer.